Session 433 (Private)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Participants: Joanne (Tyl).
(Paul';s note: No arrival or departure times are recorded during autotyped sessions.)
JOANNE: Good morning, Rose. On Tuesday, after 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore announced in an email “… that after a great deal of thought and discussion, we have decided to separate. This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration. We ask for respect for our privacy and that of our family, and we do not intend to comment further." There were no details given, and friends believe there were no affairs involved.
I understand why people are shocked, saddened, and even afraid, knowing that this strong and healthy marriage folded. It makes them question how any marriage can survive into the later years. But I’m not sad, because I know people, including my parents, who would have been happier if they’d separated or divorced. We have beliefs about marriage needing to be long and unbroken to be successful, and separation and divorce to be defeat. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t, but in the end it’s always about mutual respect and support. To me, that’s true love, and the way the Gores are handling this makes them continued exemplars of this.
ROSE: We are aware the Gores have many provocative ways of getting your attention in regard to the shift, correct? Name some.
JOANNE: Wow… I hadn’t thought of that. Let’s see… Al having the U.S. presidency stolen from him by corrupt influences, including the U.S. Supreme Court. His raising awareness of global warming, which is also stoked by greed and corruption. Tipper standing up for what she believed in with the parental warning labels on records, which I didn’t agree with at the time, but admired her for taking a stand. Later, she became friends with Gail Zappa, Frank’s widow, and played drums on Moon Unit’s album. Tipper and Al kissed for 6 seconds on the floor of the 2000 Democratic National Convention. We’d never seen that before!
ROSE: They would be what you’d call friends of the shift. By perfecting a strong marital situation, then performing admirably when they part, they are setting the stage for many individuals to question why they are in beneficial or non-beneficial relationships to begin with. We’ll explain.
When people marry, they do so for a variety of reasons. Sometimes these are healthy, sometimes they are not. When they are not, they do what? They say, “I can’t let go of this, for I’ll be perceived as being a loser in love.” Correct? Are they? Not at all. They only have to learn things about the love of the universe in the process.
The love of the universe is at play in every single one of your loving human relationships. And in this, you have the keys to become better people through the partnerships you have, in every respect, but most notably through your love relationships.
Now, there will be some exceptions. Sometimes you’ll have to learn worse things rather than better, but these apply, too. We’re talking about the things that you learn from each other when you resist the notion that you need to be continually supportive in ways that are false: through monetary means, through social means. These are not true love ways, they are socially acceptable ways. There’s a difference.
Love ways include sharing spaces, sharing social trends, sharing food, laughter, conceiving children, raising them, having work together, sharing the best things that life has to teach you, period. These do not include fighting over silly things like who gets to retain custody of the children. We’re not suggesting this is silly in any way other than this is not how you best send your loving energies to everyone in the universe, beginning with your own children. These ways are not fraught with dignity, but love is.
So when you are respecting each other, when you are nurturing each other, and raising children in healthy ways, you’re being the loving adults you’re supposed to be in the world. Now we’ll say “supposed to be,” and we are aware you’re not used to having divine creatures tell you how you’re supposed to be, but truly you do need, in some ways, to be healthier and happier, so that’s what we mean by that, and you can take that to the marriage counselor if you have an issue.
Now, the Gores are exemplars of loving family relationships. They have loved each other for many years, committed themselves to their own and each others’ personal loves – such as politics, photography, standing up to the bullies – in every respect, they’ve been suitably perceived as the frankest, most healthy couple in the world, perhaps, barring the Obamas. And when they got to the point where they said, “You know? We’ve done so much for the world and each other. How about if we focus on what we need now as we move into the later years of our lives? Do I have your support?” And they said, “Yes, of course you have my support. I’ll love you into the next phase.” And that’s exactly what they did.
So you can count on one hand the number of times they’ve said, “I won’t support you.” And even in this final act – which is not fair to say, for it’s not the end of the Gores, by any means –they supposedly parted, but they will not ever part. They truly are married for life, in any case –even should they separate, even should they become friends with others, or take lovers – they will remain fidelitous to each other. And that’s why your Roses are here to teall you this, for fidelity is the word to think about when choosing a mate.
Do you want the partner that you choose to love you in ways that permit you to fornicate with others? Only if there’s reason for it, such as wanting to conceive a child, and therefore would allow that, perhaps. Do you want your former partners to have any say in how you go about choosing your next partners? Perhaps you do, if they would have some special information about how you sometimes do things that would preempt a particular sort of individual. And would you want someone who is your mate to expect another person in your place to take care of them? If that person was more able to do so, for you maybe incapacitated in some way, correct?
We’re trying to say here that there are many exceptions to what you call fidelity that include ways to make yourselves fidelitous in more ways to your partners. But instead you say, “I’m going to fall in love and live happily ever after,” and in doing so you sometimes say, “I’ll not choose another, ever, because the world is a very scary place and I’ll not do better in any other relationships anyway, so I’ll not go because I’m, generally speaking, way too fearful.”
These are limiting beliefs, not necessarily what you believe, but this is the predominant way that marriage has of forcing you into roles that don’t suit you. And these are the times when you must question these roles and beliefs that form them. So do so.
Try to instigate in your marriages the same loving ways the Gores did. You don’t need to be afraid, for you do have spirit always. And when you are friends with spirit, when you can sense that spirit has your back, you are more fearless in every way, in every relationship, in every word you say.
And that is why you marry, dear ones: to love each other into the next phase, whatever that is. For existence never ends. You never die. You’ll always have Rose and other spirits at your side forever and ever. You don’t need to worry about having something else there for you. Do you understand? You only need self, and in this, loving partnerships, except in very few cases, extend into the outer realms of life in all its gory detail.
JOANNE: How does this apply to the story about John Wooden, the basketball coach who died yesterday at the age of 99, who wrote monthly letters to his wife, Nell, who died 25 years ago? He kept them in a bundle in the middle of his bed, under a photo of her that was propped up on a pillow. The letters contained descriptions of his day, laughter over private jokes, and “eternal promises of his affection” (according to L.A. Times writer Bill Plaschke). This is what we aspire to. I like to think he’d still feel that way if she’d been alive all this time. The important thing seems to be the inner dialog with what we think of as mate or lover, but is on a deeper level our connection with spirit.
ROSE: That’s exactly right, and he’s the best person to say so, for he’s so very including in his beliefs the idea of a spiritual foundation, that you’ll do well to emulate his every action. John was the same in every way as Jesus. He loved life. He loved all things. He truly did, and when he lost his wife, there was only love for all things, including her in every way.
So when you lose someone, you do what? Talk to them. And in this, he respected her memory. That’s not to say this is true for everyone, but it’s true for them, and in this, they supplied the perfect couple template for you to try to emulate. Yes, this is a real life god and goddess foundation that you might do well to emulate, because the world needs strong, solid couples who love each other and love all things so as to achieve great things. That’s the hallmark of a great marriage: love for themselves, love for each other, love for all things, including children of every race as well as religion. So why not emulate them whether or not you are in a marriage? For that’s indeed what’s so needed in the world.
In spite of how you feal this may have been the perfect marriage, this was not, and there is not any such thing. What there was – is – is a commitment to each other that lives on in spite of death. This is not anyway different than the Gores, as we’ve said. So when you find two individuals who are so very happy with each other, take heed: that is something special, and that is what you all could learn to live by.
But not all marriages have this, and instead, they punt. When you punt, you do what? Give up on some things in order to settle for less. And that is not what John Wooden or his wife did, but it is what many individuals do instead of letting themselves enjoy their lives.
So do take in the beauty of this rich marriage for yourselves, but understand that in order to get to where you need to be, you need to also love each other into the next phase in ways that sometimes mean going different ways, that’s all. To say this in another way, why not try to emulate them in order to get what you need, and when this does or does not work out, say “I’ll love you forever” anyway? “I’ll not need to quibble about whether or not you’re near me in order to make you an everyday part of my world. I’ll talk with you in spirit in every way, for as long as we both shall live, and then some.”
JOANNE: This is very beautiful. I must say I’m a little disappointed that by using the “punt” metaphor, you had to rely on a football analogy, but I suppose there’s no similar idea in basketball. (I’m joking.)
ROSE: Indeed there is not, only the ideas are important, dear one. Did we answer your question?
JOANNE: Yes, thank you. It’s a big topic, and one that I’d like us to write more on.
ROSE: We’ll say only this is a very big question: what is love? And you’ll do well to keep asking these questions, for the world needs answers as well as newer questions to healp you to move into new areas of selfhood that in every way include your best selves. So do so.
JOANNE: Thank you, Rose. I will.